Life Abroad for Families: The Good, The Bad, and The Unexpected

Moving families abroad presents unique opportunities and challenges that require careful planning, preparation, and realistic expectations. This guide helps families handle the expat experience successfully.

Understanding the International School Experience

Moving your family to live abroad represents a significant decision with both challenges and remarkable opportunities. International school students face unique circumstances that differ substantially from their peers in traditional domestic education systems. Understanding these challenges and benefits is crucial for families considering international relocation. While challenges certainly exist, many families discover that the benefits of living abroad fundamentally transform their children's worldview, resilience, and future opportunities. This comprehensive guide explores the real effects of international living on families and students.

The Challenge of Transience

In international schools, the constant movement of students creates a unique atmosphere unlike traditional schools. Children enter and leave at all times of year, not just during standard school transitions. Most students stay for a few years before their parents relocate to a new location or assignment. Most students do not return once they have left. Surprisingly, this constant flux actually makes the school a welcoming place. Many people know what it's like to be the new kid or suddenly living in a completely different context. Everyone wants to make the school feel welcoming because everyone has experienced the same transition. However, every child is simultaneously dealing with the loss of a best friend. They make friends and leave them behind, or their friends leave them behind. These students are constantly dealing with moving on, never quite getting time to fully mourn each departure.

Educational Gaps and the Swiss Cheese Effect

Teachers sometimes refer to students who change countries frequently as Swiss cheese, with the effects of living abroad placing small obstacles on a child's educational path. This could be a student who moved 10 times in five years. With each school comes a new curriculum. Although curricula such as the International Baccalaureate or International Primary Curriculum link many schools with common objectives, these programs don't necessarily dictate what should be taught when. A student could move around enough to miss exposure to topics like ratios, ancient Greece, Romeo and Juliet, or the reproductive system. These gaps, while usually manageable, can create challenges for students as they progress to higher education.

Language Development in International Settings

Students in international schools speak many languages. When they arrive at an international school, they're instructed in English, instructed in the language of the local community, and then must choose one other language to study. This may be their home country's language or another regional language. Local language instruction helps children immerse into a new cultural context. Some schools offer excellent mother tongue classes, though sadly, some schools cannot find qualified teachers for all languages. For instance, a school might have three Dutch students needing a Dutch teacher, but with only three students, they only need a teacher for three hours per week. Meanwhile, in another example, imagine you're a new student coming from Bhutan; it's difficult for any school to find teachers for all languages that might enter their system.

Sometimes, the effects of living abroad affect students to the extent that no language is fully developed. These students are difficult to spot. They can speak what seems to be perfect English, converse with school friends in German, and yell across the room to their friends in Mandarin. But then they might make a student cry, and when you ask what happened, you realize they've been harassing them in yet another language. It isn't until these students are writing that you discover they're struggling to find the words to express their thoughts clearly. This linguistic development challenge requires careful attention from both educators and parents.

Single-Parent Separations and Family Dynamics

Students in international assignments sometimes go for long periods without seeing one of their parents. This doesn't mean students are largely from single-parent homes; there are often more children with two parents living in the same home at international schools. However, there are students in situations where, for part of the year, they're home with only one parent for various reasons. Some students have a parent stationed locally while others have a parent often sent on extended trips. Many students have parents working for multinational companies with locations worldwide, necessarily involving significant travel. Families often hire an au pair to help, creating a decidedly different family dynamic than those where two parents are generally around. These students also live far from extended family, and when grandma or grandpa get sick, one parent may have to fly home for extended periods.

Identity and Third-Culture Kids

In the international education circle, students are called third-culture kids. Many come from multiple places and have been exposed to multiple cultures. Some even identify more with the culture they're currently living in rather than the nationality indicated by their passport. A student might be Japanese yet have never lived in Japan. A student might be German but only recently moved to the country. An African-American student might not know where they fit in. Oftentimes, it's difficult to transfer humor from one language to another. Some students feel their personality changes depending on which language they're speaking. The effects of living abroad for these children means they often can't describe what home means geographically. Home is where their family is. Home is the happy place in their mind, where they go in times of distress. But for most third-culture children, home is difficult to define, whether their parents are short-term expats or long-term immigrants. Yet this skill of finding home in themselves makes them more resilient. Students in college often say they're excited for where their future careers might take them; they want to travel and seek opportunities that will take them to new places.

Resilience and Adaptation: The Strengths That Emerge

Most students are remarkably adaptable. They arrive, are welcomed, adjust, and thrive. But at any given moment, one of these challenges might be affecting their ability to succeed. When they find out they're moving or their best friend is moving, they may struggle to concentrate in class. If they start a new project, they might feel they're the only one unfamiliar with the topic. When one parent is away, the other might not be as skilled at helping with homework. While writing, they might struggle to find the right word. When someone asks where they're from, they might not know how to answer. Most international schools support students through pastoral programs educating them on handling challenges they're facing. A framework is set up within the school to give students a sense of community, even when they may only be part of it for a short period. Many former students from these schools agree their exposure to other cultures helps them thrive at university. They feel their outlook is much more worldly rather than local. These students feel more accepting of others, both culturally and personally. They see themselves in the future applying for jobs all over the globe because they don't fear the new or different.

Building Global Citizens

The challenges facing international students can actually become their greatest strengths. The effects of living abroad can develop students into compassionate, multilingual world citizens who seek to make this world a better place. While the journey of international life brings real difficulties, the resilience, adaptability, cultural awareness, and global perspective gained often prove invaluable throughout their lives. Families considering international relocation can take comfort knowing that while challenges exist, most students emerge from international education with expanded horizons and deeper understanding of human diversity.